In
the article “This Detroit House is being turned into a living model of
cost-saving sustainable design”, Peters (7 July 2016) illustrates how a group
of three architecture graduates purchased a house with the intention of sharing
their knowledge in sustainability with the community of Detroit. They have
named the project ‘“Motown Movement”’ which is to transform their ideas into
reality. A brief background studies conducted by the students indicate that the
locals have already implemented some form of eco-friendly practices. However,
the locals are still lacking in knowledge of modifying their existing house in
a more cost-efficient manner. As such, the student’s real-life two-storey model
house serve two purposes; ground level acts as a “training facility” while the
upper level is use to accommodate family who are homeless. Some sustainable
examples incorporated in the design are solar panels on the roof, a “graywater
system” which harvest rainwater for flushing of toilets and even conversion of
“sewage into biogas and fertiliser” using “septic tank”. Adopting the
“do-it-yourself” style, the construction materials used should be available at
any local supply stores. Through the use of these simple techniques and a
variety of methods, their project can also be applicable to other climate
conditions globally. All in all, the students want to increase the awareness of
sustainable design by constructing more of such houses alongside people to
educate them on the simplicity and benefits of it. While Peters is able to
display some benefits of sustainable initiatives through the students’ project,
I feel that it is lacking in explaining the driving factor behind the students’
decision in not attending “grad school like most of their classmates” and the
need for sustainability.
Firstly,
the article mentions on reusing of “materials from abandoned houses” and “how
to install insulation to reduce energy use as much as 70%”, which suggests
saving of construction materials and lesser energy consumption. These are
definitely some examples of saving energy and natural resources but all these
examples seem to surround the idea of finding “affordable” ways to improve
their existing house to be cost-efficient. Savings in monetary terms should be
an added advantage of sustainability efforts rather than a focus. The reason
behind the students approach should be discussed in the article to give the
reader a better understanding on the students’ decision in promoting
sustainability
Furthermore,
the topic on sustainability should also include other components such as
reducing carbon footprint emissions, reducing wastes and saving water. In the
publication “Singapore Sustainable Blueprint 2015”, it gives the reader a
well-rounded explanation in the involvement of sustainability. As mentioned,
the competition for “finite supply of resources” (Singapore Sustainable
Blueprint 2015, p. 10) will be increasing due to global development and
population growth. With Singapore being a city state with multiple limitations, a
well thought out and detailed planning is required to keep up with this
competitive economy and yet at the same time optimising the use of “precious
resources” (PM Lee, 2014, para. 7). Together with the examples discussed in
Peters’ article, it will be clearer to the reader on the importance of
sustainability - to create and safeguard a greener and environmental friendlier
society for all.
In
conclusion, although Peters’ article discusses on some examples of simple
sustainable techniques and its benefits, it does not convey the primary need
for sustainable efforts and why the students chose to construct a life model
instead of furthering their studies.
References
Ministry of
Environment and Water Resources and Ministry of National Development (2014). Sustainable Singapore Blueprint 2015. Retrieved
on September 25, 2016, from http://www.mewr.gov.sg/ssb/files/ssb2015.pdf
National Climate
Change Secretariat (2014, November 8). PM unveils Sustainable Singapore Blueprint 2015 to renew
strategies for a liveable and sustainable Singapore [Press Release]. Retrieved
on September 25, 2016, from https://www.nccs.gov.sg/news/press-releases?field_news_date_value%5Bvalue%5D%5Byear%5D=2014
Peters, A. (2016,
July 7). This Detroit House Is Being
Turned Into a Living Model Of Cost-Saving Sustainable Design. Retrieved on
September 21, 2016, from https://www.fastcoexist.com/3061563/world-changing-ideas/this-detroit-house-is-being-turned-into-a-living-model-of-cost-saving-s
(567
words)
Hi Alcina
ReplyDeleteYour summary was well written and explains clearly what the article was about.You have also pointed out what could have been added to explain the reason why the students did not attend grad school, which i find is important.
In addition, I would like to point out that there wasn't a need to use "Firstly,..." to start the paragraph.
Your response was written with a clear intention of what should be added into the article to explain further.
Chris
Dear Chris,
DeleteThanks for your kind feedback and also noted on the usage of "Firstly".
Best Regards,
Alcina.
Thank you, Alcina, for your effort with this summary / reader response. The summary seems quite comprehensive and generally accurate. Your thesis, however, seems odd in that you focus too much on the students' choice of doing the Motown project rather than continuing with graduate degree studies. Some aspect of their project focus rather than their decision not to continue schooling should probably be the controlling idea of your thesis. I also would think that an SIT student in particular would be able to related to an applied learning project such as Motown Movement since such learning plays a big part in the SIT educational curricular approach.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, as I read through your supporting body paragraphs, I also see that you have not been able to maintain the focus spelled out in your thesis. That means you really need to change your thesis. It might be helpful for you to see how others with the same topic (Frankie or Dinesh, for example) handled this.
There are other issues to consider as well.
1) Peters (7 July 2016) >>> Peters (2016)
2) They have named the project ‘“Motown Movement”’ which is to transform their ideas into reality. >>> (punctuation: we recently discussed this)
3) A brief background studies >>> "a" is not used with a plural noun such as "studies"
4) the student’s real-life two-storey model house serve two purposes >>> (subject-verb disagreement)
5) is use >>> (wrong form/spelling)
6) Adopting the “do-it-yourself” style, the construction materials used should be available at any local supply stores. >>> (dangling modifier: who is adopting the DIY style? the construction materials?
7) ... their project can also be applicable to other climate conditions globally. >>> huh? First, you need to remind the reader of whose project this is. Next, connect the students' house renovation with their goal to make the project serve as a model for such 'sustainable' renovations in other locales.
8) alongside people to educate them on the simplicity and benefits of it. >>> (phrasing: alongside?)
9) it is lacking >>> "it" refers to the project or the article?
10) it is lacking in explaining the driving factor behind the students’ decision in not attending “grad school like most of their classmates” >>> Is this really the controlling idea of this essay?
11) the topic on sustainability >>> Do you mean to say that Peters should have discussed this in more detail?
12) In the publication “Singapore Sustainable Blueprint 2015”, it gives... >>> (phrasing: We just discussed this sort of phrase.)
13) ...the publication “Singapore Sustainable Blueprint 2015” gives the reader a well-rounded explanation in the involvement of sustainability >>> so? Explain how that is relevant to a discussion of the Motown Movement.
14) Together with the examples discussed in Peters’ article, it will be clearer to the reader on the importance of sustainability - to create and safeguard a greener and environmental friendlier society for all. >>> huh? What are you suggesting that Peters should have done?
15) instead of furthering their studies. >>> Isn't the students' project an example of applied learning? Doesn't this statement say it all: ""We wanted to really build something instead of just drawing"?
I really appreciate your effort. Let's work on this.
Dear Brad,
DeleteThank you for providing such detailed feedback, it has really help to direct me in correcting the issues.
Best Regards,
Alcina.